It’s Christmas evening. The presents are all open. The traditional Christmas movies have been watched (once again, Ralphie managed to not shoot his eye out) and all is at peace in our world. Tomorrow we’ll all pile in the car and drive 5 hours to have Christmas all over again with our extended family – my sister, Tami’s Mother and Brother and his family – same as we do every year. And it’s good that we do it every year. It helps keep our family close when the miles keep us apart.
But some things are different than they used to be. The family is smaller this year. A year ago tomorrow, when we were making the same trip that we’ll be making tomorrow, we were about half way there when my cell phone rang. It was the nursing home calling to tell me that my mother had died. This was not as big or as painful a shock as you might think. Because of a head injury, Mom had been declining slowly for years. She hadn’t spoken in at least 4 years. For a couple of years before that, she didn’t know who I was. So, in a sense, I had lost my mother several years earlier. I was just waiting for her body to catch up with the part of her that made her Mom.
Sorry if I sound callous there but we all have our little coping mechanisms. That was mine. The quiet, Southern Lady that I grew up with died years ago. All I’ve had left these past years was her was her beautiful corn-flower blue eyes and a smile that was…wonderful.
Dad has been gone since just after Tami and I got married so now the family is just my sister and I. I remember Dad telling Sue and I when we were fighting as kids, “One day you’ll only have each other.” Right again, Dad. And, in true father/son fashion, I’ve used the same line on my boys. And that’s another thing that’s changing.
Sean is home from college for Christmas break. He’s 20 years old now and we’re not going to have him around much longer. James is 16 and chasing hard on his big brother’s footsteps. A few more years and it’ll be just Tami and me around the house. We’ve talked about it and we’re both OK with it. Intellectually, we know that it’s all a part of the “Great circle of Life” (TM Disney). Emotionally, we know it’s gonna hurt to see them both go out and start their lives even as we’re bursting with pride as they go out and start their lives. And even though we’ll not see them as often as we might want, we’ll have a chance to do things together, just the two of us, that we’ve not had in a long time. That part we’re actively looking forward to.
Things change. And change, in and of itself, isn’t good or bad. What you make of it determines whether it’s good or bad. Tami and I have always tried to make changes work for us…for the good. And we’ve pretty much been able to do it, through layoffs, moves, loss of family…and we’ll do the same with this. And we’ve raised the boys to face change the same way (hope we did that right). It’s a change we’ll accept. But not yet.
